Therapeutic Thursday

For those of you who've been with me for a while, you probably remember Therapeutic Thursdays. I haven't done one since November, but in these troubled times (and by troubled times I mean February, the third worst month of the year) I think that a Therapeutic Thursday would do us all a little good.

Today we'll be discussing SAD. (Yes, this does happen to be the acronym for seasonal affective disorder, but that's not the SAD we'll be talking about, even though it is still the middle of winter and I would probably sell my soul for some direct sunlight.) The SAD I'm referring to is sibling animosity development. Today we'll figure out what it is, if your children have it, and how to beat it out of them without actually beating it out of them.

What is SAD?

Sibling animosity development is a condition in which siblings who normally have kind, loving feelings towards one another begin to quarrel with, snap at, and generally make life a living hell for each other. SAD can occur at any age, in any gender, and in any environment, though documentation has shown that the most violent forms of SAD often occur in public places, where others have the opportunity to point and judge.

Do your children have SAD?

Signs of SAD include dirty looks, snide remarks (or growls, if a child does not yet possess the gift of speech), and extreme possessiveness of one's personal belongings. In addition, children with SAD may begin to wail at the mere sight of a sibling, even if said sibling is six feet away and minding his or her own business.

Many children with SAD have the tendency to plan out a course of action so as to get parents on their side. For example, an older brother may snatch a toy out of his younger sister's hands while there are no parents in the room. He may then begin to "cry" just as the younger sister snatches the toy back and a parent arrives on the premises, making it seem as though the younger sister is the one with poor behavior while he himself is completely blameless. (Please remember that these are merely hypothetical situations. I personally do not know any children with SAD, though I have heard many sad SAD stories.)

How do you deal with SAD?

There are several options to consider if your children suffer from SAD. The first option is to ship your least favorite child off to live with grandparents until he or she is eighteen. This is a difficult option for many parents, since it is nearly impossible to decide which child drives you the craziest.

Option number two is to forbid your children from any further contact until they learn how to treat each other respectfully. No looking, no talking, no touching. Again, this is a very difficult option as it requires constant monitoring from you, the parent, for anywhere from five to forty-five years.

Option number three, my personal favorite, is to arm each child with a secret weapon, if you will. Consider the children from the previous scenario. If you teach the older brother how to build a impenetrable fortress out of couch cushions, that can be his line of defense when little sister gets to be, in his words, sploggy. Conversely, encouraging the little sister to scream like a banshee every time older brother nears will discourage older brother from getting near enough to bother her to begin with.

I wish you well in your endeavors to cure your children of SAD. If you'd like to make a donation to the GRSADLHL (Get Rid of Sibling Animosity Development and Live a Happy Life) Foundation, I will gladly accept checks, all major credit cards, and cold hard cash.