Lists for the loony

I read a book a while back about this lady who loved to read old grocery lists. In each chapter, she took a list she had found, "created" the person who had written that list, and told a little story from his or her perspective. She even donned all sorts of wigs and outfits so there was a picture to go with each chapter. It was the strangest book I've ever read.

And now I always rip up my grocery lists after I'm done shopping, because I'm afraid she'll find one of mine some day and write another book. I mean, let's face it. I'm kinda quirky.

For example, the only things I buy at Walmart are toiletries and canned or boxed goods. (Because produce there stinks. Maybe literally. And I hate the new milk cartons, so milk is out.) Taking a peek at my Walmart list, one might surmise that I am one of those people. You know, someone who thinks that since Barack Obama became president, the civilized world will come to an ugly and abrupt halt in the very near future. I'm obviously stockpiling soup and toilet paper for the next ten to twelve years so that I can survive when it happens.

My Fred Meyer list, on the other hand, contains only bread and dairy items. And sometimes potatoes. From that list, it must be assumed that I am 427 pounds, suffering from scurvy, and sitting around on my can waiting for the next heart attack.

Of course, the list for Three Bears might paint a nice picture. Carrots, green peppers, tomatoes, oh my! I'm looking pretty good until you get down to the 10 lbs of chicken and 5 lbs of smoked sausage. The 6 lb bag of chocolate chips doesn't help, either. (In my defense, it's a bulk food store. And I like chicken.)

So then what about this list I recently started?

Cadbury Eggs
toilet paper

I mean, really, what else could you suppose from this list except that Cadbury Eggs are practically a laxative?

What's on your list today?