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Have you ever had a hunch about something? Something you couldn't prove? Something you knew but were afraid to tell other people lest they think you crazy? If you have, then I think you'll sympathize when I say that I have a hunch my children participate in late-night meetings in which they discuss how to drive me stark raving mad. Like I said, I can't prove it but I know it happens. And it probably goes a little something like this:
Riley - Millie? Psst! Millie, you awake?
Millie - What's up, bro?
R - Hey, nice work today, little lady. We make a good team. But listen, Mom still had a smile on her face when she put us to bed, so I really think we should take it up a notch.
M - I'm listening...
R - Okay, tomorrow let's mix it up a bit. How about I take a turn throwing food on the floor and you be the one who refuses to eat?
M - Good idea, but toss the boiled egg instead of the waffle - it's harder to clean up. And I've been thinking, instead of crying when Mom shuts the bathroom door, how 'bout I turn on the tears if it even looks like she's heading down the hallway?
R - Genius! While we're at it, when she tries giving either you or me one-on-one attention, the other should weasel his or her way in there and throw a colossal fit. Screaming, hitting, throwing toys - the whole nine yards.
M - (grins evilly) You think we can make her cry?
R - I don't know, but let's give it our best shot. (slaps Millie a high five)
M - Sleep tight, bro. We'll need our energy for the morning.
R - Love you, sis.
Oh, they think they're so smart! But I'm The Mom. And I will win. Oh, yes I will. Sob.
4 hours ago
18 comments:
They are so diabolical. Like most kids.
I am positive that is EXACTLY what happens. Maybe I shouldn't let them share a room anymore.
This is too funny! I KNOW that is what my kids do. But hey -- at least they are working together, getting along, right?
Very clever post!
Very cute post!
Can you lend me some of your wit? You obviously have it in spades.
Also, I'm pretty sure our kids are teleconferencing ....
too funny! I only have one kid now, and often hear her plotting my untimely demise quietly in her room.
Very clever!
That could totally be a sit-com episode. I don't know which one but I'm sure you could come up with one.
Of course anyone who believes in conspiracy theories would understand you perfectly, here.
I agree with everyone that this is hilarious. I sort of loved the feeling of comraderie (sp?) between the two.
I have to admit, however, that I sort of flinched at the "think we can make her cry?" I hate when I get so fed up that I break down.
Hope your kids are nicer tomorrow! (mine too!)
I laughed through that whole thing, picturing both your two and mind sitting up in bed having this conversation. Except in my daydream, Asher can talk, and since he doesn't talk at all, it made me laugh harder. Because obviously he speaks clear sentences at night, only to Miles, as they plan. Then he pretends he can't talk and just screams at me the whole day. Sob.
You should probably put them in separate rooms (that's the real reason you're building/moving, right?!)
Alternately, when someone throws egg, you could throw it back. You'd still have to clean up the mess, but you might feel better about it. I think R is old enough to do some cleanup himself btw--he'd need you to follow up and get it done right, but if he's gonna make a mess he should clean it up. :)
And when my kids refuse to eat, well, they don't get to eat. Nobody ever starved in one day. They'll come around.
See I think when they are looking up and smiling as infants and most people think they are seeing angels, they are actually hatching their schemes then...
I have recently discovered that my two oldest children have come in handy as mother's helpers, and I rent them out occasionally for a modest fee. Heck, I'd even send them up to you for the price of air fare, so just say the word and I'll pack them up!
(Seriously, my two teenagers both have jobs as mother's helpers where they go after school for an hour or two to give a break to women in just your situation. I don't know if there's a Mia Maid or Laurel in your area that you could rope into such an arrangement, but to sweeten the deal, tell them I'll make them a prom dress or something. Everyone needs a break now and then....NOT a breakDOWN!)
Oh dude, I hope they didn't make you cry.... I so hate that.
Unfortunately it happens to everyone though.
With me I cry and yell and scream at the same time. Not so great. I don't recommend it.
Seriously though, if you can swing it get a sitter and take a date night. You deserve it!
My son just has the conversation with himself. "Hm, how about instead of just whining for food all day, I emit an ear-peircing scream every time I'm hungry." Great idea.
This is an awesome post, Becky. I think you've uncovered a mystery that's been out of my reach. :)
My girls must do the same thing! Too funny :)
It's been a long time since my kids were small but it's obviously an inbuilt caveman memory for all of our little darlings because that's just how it went with me, and maybe if you asked my mum she felt like that too. Then I think these memories are erased so as an adult you shouldn't know (but sometimes they leak back)
How do you do it? Your posts continually make me laugh. Such a great post!
-Francesca
PS: There is no "I" in team.
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