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So I had this brilliant idea that I should start doing Monday Mayhem posts. Every Monday morning, I would write about all the crazy, strange, or dumb things I'd done since my last post. But the more I thought about it, the less cool it sounded. I mean, if I shared those things, each of your lives would start looking better and better. And obviously I would notice if, all of a sudden, everyone seemed happier with themselves. That, in turn, would make my life appear even worse than it was to begin with and before you know it, self-fulfilling prophecy would kick in and my life really would be unbearable! I'm telling you, it would turn into a vicious downward spiral until one day I'd find myself on a sleazy talk show crying to the host about how I don't know who the father of my illegitimate child is: the pool boy (at the local Super 8, because of course I wouldn't be able to afford my own pool, what with the sky-rocketing cost of all the anti-depressants I'd be taking), my manager at Mickey D's, or my cousin's ex-boyfriend's brother-in-law (which would be strange in and of itself since I don't know any of my cousins well).
I just don't wanna head down that slippery slope, you know? Although, I've always wanted to be the impulsive, spontaneous type, so what the heck? I'll do a Monday Mayhem. I promise, I'll only do just this one (says the woman who can down a whole package of Lays in a twenty four hour period).
Anyway, where were we? Oh, yes, my list of stupid things I did over the weekend.
1. I made tomato soup whilst wearing a white shirt.
Um... that's all I can think of. Ha! Psych!! No, seriously, I know there were more but I can't remember them. Huh. Well, I guess life isn't bad after all. Even if it is Monday.
Disclaimer:
This post is in no way meant to offend people who eat Lays, people who've been on anti-depressants, people who've been on sleazy talk shows, hosts of sleazy talk shows, anyone who has ever worked at, eaten at, or driven by a McDonald's, or people who've been knocked up by a pool boy.
6 hours ago
21 comments:
Well, I've been knocked up by the pool boy, and I wasn't offended, so well done.
Very funny! Isn't it sad how we have to throw in those disclaimers about people who are totally whacked? (this comment is in no way meant to offend those who are totally whacked).
"I made tomato soup whilst wearing a white shirt."
<<shudders>>
i'm not sure if i should associate with you anymore. you know, "lie with dogs you get fleas", and other similar nuggets of wisdom are flashing through my brain right now.
I mean, I have some white shirts, and i think it's my duty to protect them.
I don't know, I'm so torn...
I guess I'll just have to see if this kind of degeneration continues in ur next post.
Toodles!!
(I'm loving Heidi's comment)
So, sure, you only have ONE item on your list, but it's a real doozie! (is that how you spell doozie?) Definitely worth about three or four other items on a Monday Mayhem list. For sure.
I own three of the exact same white shirt cuz I have a talent for getting anything white ruined. Hope you get the tomato stains out! :)
All those things offended me and I haven't even done any of them! :-P But I Have eaten a whole eight quart bowl of carmel corn in one evening before. . . and wondered why my weight was up that week! hhmmmm?
You always make me laugh. Have a good day.
:~D
White shirts and spaghetti don't mesh either. Take it from me.
I've been known to knock down a can of Pringles even faster than 24 hours... and I'm wondering what kind of Karma just made me mistype that as "fater than 24 hours"...
and I'm cracking up at the disclaimers - but thank goodness, because I'd probably be offended otherwise.
Well. You're right,that does make me feel ever so much better about my life. I would NEVER make tomato soup in a white shirt. For that matter, I would NEVER even make tomato soup!
Well, You'll have to do better than that if I'm supposed to feel better about myself. Next time wear a beige shirt. You can bleach white.
Please don't go on that slippery slope and end up on a sleazy talk show, because if I knew you were on one, I would want to watch, and as a general rule I try to avoid them.
Wow. I think I'm about to make your day, because my list is SOOOO much longer than yours, which should make you feel WAAAAAAAAAY better about yourself. I'm not quite ready for anti-depressants yet, though. Just chocolate.
And we have a saying in our house: "We are proud to wear our food."
I still think wearing a red shirt to Target is dumber and yet I've done it more than once.
The only stupid thing you did was make tomato soup while wearing a white shirt? Was it from scratch or from a can? Wait, that wasn't the question I meant to ask.
How could that be the only stupid thing you did?? I've done like 6 stupid things just since I woke up this morning.
Monday- was half way to work when i realised i was still in my white fluffy slippers. (but no tomato soup stains thankfully)
Well, I usually bake when wearing black (flour everywhere), unless it's something chocolate, in which case it's inevitably white...
According to America's Test Kitchen (who tested 14 different stain removers) Oxy-Clean (the powder stuff) is the best stain remover for food stains of all kinds. They purposely stained 14 white shirts with various foods (tomato, mustard, soy sauce, etc) and then stain treated them, and Oxy-Clean was the runaway winner. :)
I started a little series I called "quirky thursday" where I could share weird/crazy stuff about myself...poke fun at myself and my quirks...somewhat toned down from the mayhem idea I guess, but on the other hand, I didn't do it every week either.
Maybe you could just post MM once a month, and just pick a coupleof your best events from the month. ;)
The problem with my mayhem is it doesn't stick to just Mondays. It is EVERYDAY!
See now I think you should do this every Monday...I always have WAY too many things I could add to the list,sadly. You are hilarious by the way :)
I don't even know what to say. There's just too much good stuff here.
Thank you for the disclaimer because I was totally offended and now I'm not.
You rock.
As a future host of a sleazy talk show, I take great offense to this post. Jerry Springer is a great, great man in my world. :)
-Francesca
And I was knocked up by a pool boy at a drive thru at a McDonalds.
So, was the white shirt salvageable.
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