Coo coo ca-choo

Dear teenage boy in the blue* car at the intersection of Street 1** and Street 2** yesterday afternoon,

I'm not sure what you were doing cruising around town in the middle of a school day, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume it was lunchtime. I did notice that your car was clean and you didn't have your music blaring so loudly the entire neighborhood could hear, so that tells me you're a fairly decent guy. And you were a nice enough looking fellow. I'm sure once you grow into that nose, any gal would be lucky to have you.

But I'm not that gal.

See, as exciting as I'm sure it was for you to have a gorgeous older woman winking repeatedly in your direction, I have a confession. I wasn't winking. My contact had a tear and I was desperately trying to keep from clawing my own eyeball right out of its socket. My bad.

Sincerely,
Gorgeous Older Woman


* Car colors have been blatantly fabricated because I'm not observant enough to remember the real color.
** Street names have been modified in case of, you know, whatever.