Learning to live with me

I'm not sure when or why it happened (though it could have been somewhere around the time I got asked "when are you due?" when I hadn't been pregnant for ten months), but in the last few years, I've been engaged in epic battle with my body. It's like there's me, and then there's this thing that I see in the mirror. And I'm all too often dissatisfied with the thing. I say mean things to it; sometimes I don't treat it well; I consider it the enemy. And for what? What good does it do to think, this butt is too big, these arms are too flabby, this stomach is not flat enough? No good, that's what. It's depressing and destructive and I knew it, but I did it anyway.

But then, a few months ago, something really good happened: I climbed the Butte. The Bodenburg Butte near Palmer is a fairly easy hike - just 3 miles. (There is an elevation gain of about 900 feet though, so it's a good climb.) I huffed and puffed and stumbled a few times, but by golly, I did it. And it felt good. As I took the final steps that brought me back to the starting point I thought to myself, body, you rock! I forgot you knew how to do cool stuff like this. Boo-yah.

It was a big turning point for me. I suddenly realized that not only did I need to stop obsessing about the battle, I didn't even need to be in a battle. This is the only body I get (unless I strike it rich and suddenly start enhancing or substituting parts, but I don't see that happening in the near future), and I can choose to love it or choose to hate it. I already knew where hating it got me: stuck on the couch in my stretch pants downing mint-chocolate-chip ice cream with a serving spoon. I was ready to take the plunge and do something a little crazy. I was gonna love my body.

And that's what I've been working on. If you were to ask me, right now, to list five things I like about my appearance, I could do it! I couldn't do that a year ago. Or even six months ago. And I'm not gonna lie. I like it. So here's my peppy little I-feel-good-and-I-want-everyone-in-the-whole-world-to-feel-good-too speech: Like yourself.

Go on, I dare you.