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When I was growing up, I was convinced that my mom loved my brother significantly more than she loved her other two kids. And though it probably shouldn't have surprised me (he was the youngest and the only boy, after all), I didn't exactly like it. To this day, she swears up and down that we were all treated the same and that my little bro didn't get away with more than my sister and I did and blah, blah, blah...

Here's the thing: parents who tell people that they love all their children exactly the same are great big liars. Go ahead and deny if it makes you feel better; everybody else knows it's still true. (At this point, I should mention that even though she loved me second, or possibly third best, my mom is my favorite mom. Out of all my moms. Of which there is one.) Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Parents play favorites. I know I do. The trick is to balance out whom I like best in which situation so that each child gets an equal time share. Take, for example, the following scenarios. In them, I obviously favor one child over the other. And I have a sneaking suspicion it won't be hard for you to guess which one.

Scenario 1 - Daybreak
Child A greets me in the morning with a huge smile and a hug, as though it has been days since he's seen me rather than hours. He is often fully dressed and has made his bed before breakfast. Child B, upon awaking and seeing my face, gives me her very best oh-it's-you look. She screams the entire time I attempt to dress her. And hits.

Scenario 2 - Mealtime
Child A likes to talk incessantly for the first fifteen minutes of each meal. He then takes two bites, pronounces the food inedible, and is sent to his room. He whines about being near dead with starvation for the next two-and-a-half hours. Child B, though messy, will eat anything that is put in front of her. This includes beans of all shapes and sizes, cucumbers, and artichokes.

Scenario 3 - Conversation
Child A has a firm grasp of the English language, for a five-year-old. He correctly uses words like actually, drowsy, and stabilized. When he's hungry, he tells me. When he's tired, he tells me. When he has to use the facilities, he bellows, "Oh, my gosh! I have to pee!!" and barrels down the hallway. Child B can string together enough words to get her point across. But can is not the same as will. When she's hungry, she screams. When she's tired, she wails. When something in her life isn't measuring up to her exact specifications, she emits a high-pitched shriek that only her immediate family and dogs can hear.

Scenario 4 - Chores
Child A has not yet developed a strong work ethic. Garbage, laundry, and homework are things to be avoided by any means necessary. Oddly enough, he has not made the connection that goofing off during work time results in tears, frustration, and ultimately, more work. For his mother. Child B thinks that getting to clean up toys or "help" with the dishes is the greatest thing since whipped cream in a can.

So, really, I have the perfect response when my children get old enough to ask, "Do you like him/her better than me?"

Yes. Yes, I do. But hang around for five minutes and then ask me again.