Dear friends, I need help.
I've recently become aware that I am an extremely self-deprecating person. I don't do it because I want people to tell me how great I am. ( That actually makes me a little uncomfortable.) I don't do it because I secretly think I'm ultra mega fantastic and don't want others to feel intimidated by the astounding wonderfulness that is me. And I don't do it because I honestly think that I'm bad at soccer or baking or meeting new people or keeping my house clean. Well, maybe the meeting new people thing...
And there I go again.
I think maybe I put myself down because so others won't expect too much from me. Then when I turn out to be not-so-bad, people can be pleasantly surprised. Or maybe just annoyed - some people have confusing facial expressions. Anyway, does this issue plague anyone else? How do I make it stop? (Aside from the obvious solution of just keeping my trap shut.)
It's just that I tell the young women in my ward how excellent they are. Every week I tell them. But there's no way they miss hearing all the subtle and not-so subtle digs I take at myself. So why should they believe me?
And now I'm rambling. Advice would be appreciated, though. (Preferably advice that is easy to fit into my daily life and that will magically cure my problem in 3-5 days.)
But, you know, I'll take whatever you've got.
1 day ago
11 comments:
I don't know what to tell you. I do the same thing. I don't like people expecting me to be awesome, because then they are extremely dissapointed when I am not.
I think the whole keeping your trap shut just might be the way to go. :)
It is what I have to do. A lot.
well, if your worried about the YW make sure and include a subtle complement to yourself when your with them as well.
"I suck at that... but I'm better at XYZ"
I used to do the depreciating thing as well, mainly due to pedestal issues. Now I don't so much, and when I think someone is putting too much credit to me I always remind them "I suck" ... oh... wait
I really don't know because I secretly think I'm ultra mega fantastic and don't want others to feel intimidated by the astounding wonderfulness that is me.
I think it's sort of a natural thing to do. We try to be humble, but it comes off as insecure sometimes.
We all know you're awesome.
I have no advice, I've completely perfected the are of talking trash about myself (which, hey, is something I'm pretty good at...).
Let me know if you come up with a solution, especially if it works magically in 3-5 days.
I also ROCK at putting myself down.
I think it's human nature. or at least woman nature.
I remember having a conversation with a friend once about being "stuck" on ourselves... and counting how many times I talked about myself vs. how many times I really listened to what other people had to say about themselves. I was ashamed. It was ugly - which meant I was the ugly... even if my "me" comments were put downs, they were still "me" comments...
of course, now I have a blog which is all Me all the time...
I ramble.
I like the idea of the follow up positives like Aprillium says... let's go with that and pretend I didn't hijack your comment box as my own personal psychotherapist.
Maybe try a personal policy that anytime you say (or write) something negative about yourself, you have to say something good too. Give yourself more balance...
I used to put myself down a lot--usually in response to a compliment. My hubby got really sick of it really fast. "Look," he said, "if someone said something nice it was because they meant something nice, not because they wanted to have an argument with you about it... so just say 'thanks' or else keep your mouth shut."
It's a good policy. "If you can't say something nice, don't say nuthin at all" should apply to ourselves, not just to others.
Sure, there's nothing wrong with poking fun sometimes, especially because everyone has really dumb moments...but for the most part we should be nice to ourselves. After all, you're a daughter of God--you think He likes having someone pick on His kid?!
T, it's not just woman nature (unless it's my inner woman that makes me do it, scary).
A lot has to do with how were raised. I know growing up I was taught to respect others before myself, which is a part of christian nature. It does not mean that we should demean ourselves though. How often do we recieve complements that we don't take to heart but critisisms will bring us down. I think that we need to accept compliments with at least as much heart as we do critisism. next time someone says something good to you look them in the eyes and say thank you and relish the moment.
Btw, you are a super awesome person.
This reminds me a lot of a post by That Girl:
http://pensievity.blogspot.com/2010/04/couch-session.html
I understand what you're saying.Here's the same comment I left there, because this is how I feel about it:
Speaking for myself, I don't like compliments when they feel like someone is putting me on a pedestal. I want people to know there's an even playing ground and I am human. Because even though a pedestal might seem cool in theory, it can be lonely, and we'd rather have friends who stay around and laugh at us than just look at us on a shelf. That's what I think.
So why in 3 to 5 days???
I do the same thing, but I think it's more because I know my own faults. I just have a hard time putting them in a box and leaving them there....as opposed to polishing the good things about me that needs dusting off, it's much easier to focus on the bad, that's what Satan wants us to do, than to remember the great things about us and to pull that up and point it out. I think we fail to remind people of our goodness, because we think we might sound conceded. I sometimes get the feeling that I would get conceded if I talked positive about myself. Just for the record. You keep the best house I've ever seen :0. And I think your grate at making friends. I love that that you speak your mind on your blog and that you don't when your in person. Your an awesome MOM, and an AWESOME wife....not that I'm your hubby or anything, but your a great example for me to watch...I'm sure you go balistic on your kids once in awhile, that's what makes mom's so great :)....Hang in there lady.
....ohhh...I hear there's something that's going to happen with your husband soon, I don't get to find out until everyone else though...man I'm thinking he's going to be the new Elders Quorum President....but that's me thinking. Tell me if I'm wrong :)
Dear wifey! I wish you could see yourself like I see you. I see a brilliant, energetic, caring, considerate, talented, and beautiful woman. Thank you for loving me!
Adam
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